To be afraid is not to be weak
Being weak it about a totally different thing. You are weak when you run away, or close in on yourself out of fear of something. But even then, weakness is not an incurable evil but only something you can train for and overcome. Back to fear...
Being afraid is normal.
Everyone, in one way or another, feels fear. Each of us has a bug, something that disturbs us, that frightens us.
And it can be anything - the darkness, the idea of leaving the house, the history question, the test at school... we show fear even when we aren't capable of looking in the eye the person we have in front of us.
Those who are afraid, often run away, hiding, avoiding the problem, keep putting it off. Others get pissed off at the world, lash out at the people they love, try by all means to correct others because, in reality, they only want to overcome their demons.
The difference between the doer and the runner is called evolution.
You can choose to be paralysed or use fear to train your spirit, body and mind.
Unfortunately, living in fear is a vicious circle, a spiral that only takes you further and further down. In this case, not acting is like living in the cold of a freezing night and believing that the sun can never rise again. Like when, in the middle of the night, thoughts assail us, worries about what awaits us the next day or the day after that. In the dark we are alone with ourselves, we feel vulnerable, isolated but not quite safe. We are unable to find our way. We run from one solution to another and none of them seems right.
Then someone starts checking their mobile phone for a message that doesn't arrive, reading, watching a movie or, even worse, scrolling through other people's lives on Facebook, getting even more depressed at the thought that other people's lives are better than ours.
But fear is also indifference in the face of love, it is that wall that separates us from our passions, it is that ballast that does not allow us to grow and makes us throw away life opportunities that we will brood about all our lives (should I have been a surf instructor, a dancer, should I have accepted that proposal, if I could go back?).
So how do I get out of this loop? There is no other way but to start looking in the mirror and admitting that we are afraid. That we fear our boss, the teacher, the classmate who is better than us, the careerist colleague, the parent who keeps punishing us.
But fears are not only made of flesh and blood.
So, let's admit to ourselves that we are afraid of struggling to chase a dream, a desire. Too many obstacles to overcome and fear of not having the skills to deal with them.
let's admit, then, that we are afraid of being judged, of being told no, of being rejected, of falling down and starting all over again.
First thing first let's recognise what frightens us, what keeps us glued to the ground, what limits us and does not let us have the experiences we would like to enjoy. There is no other way to begin your struggle towards those ghosts hidden inside your head.
Then you have to take the fear and break it down into smaller fears. You look them in the face and day by day you face them one by one. Solve the simplest problem first. As soon as it is done move on to the next one. In this way, you continue to pocket one experience after another, and what was once a problem, a fear, is now your success, your strength, and you are ready to face more complex things.
We can all make it, but we must agree that nothing comes from nothing. That nothing comes to us 'for free', that there are no shortcuts. Be patient and take the long and winding road, if necessary. Don't be fooled by the fake escape routes, don't procrastinate because this is another defeat that you admit to yourself that you can suffer.
Too many words? Have I got you hooked? You want concrete examples?
ok.. let me try.
I'll start with this then: one of the things that scared me the most as a kid was being questioned in front of everyone. Fear of making a bad impression and disappointing my mother. Yet I had nothing to fear. I always did well at school. Yet that obstacle seemed insurmountable.
When I started my job I was happy because I didn't have to show off my projects but just had to put my head down and work in the lab testing electronic components. Unfortunately (or fortunately) even with that I was doing well and I started to climb the ladder within the company. One way or another, I found myself in positions of greater responsibility although (apparently) I was not the one who sought them.
So I had the opportunity to travel for work in Europe, Asia and America. Despite the postivies I was still afraid of making a fool of myself. Then I embrace the say: "fake it till you make it" and I started to enter the fray. What used to be my nightmare became my job. Speaking in public, presenting to clients around the world still scared the shit out of me but having to do it for a living and, at the same time, dealing with things that actually interested me, slowly made me overcome those blocks that were nagging at me.
But of course it didn't end there. One day I was asked to present in front of about 50 people! I didn't sleep for a week! I was giddy but at the same time terrified of getting stuck. But that mix of sensations blew my mind and I convinced myself that if that was my path, then I had to go and bang my face in it (or put my face in it? same thing). Fortunately, I made it too.
Until I was asked to present in front of 300 people.
Well, I had three days of panic but it didn't show for a moment. In my mind I thought it was a crazy opportunity to take another step forward, but at the same time I was worried about having to keep to the schedule, to move in a certain way and at the same time make what I was presenting interesting. I can't say it was a one-off success, but it went very well and the results were there.
In short, I just want to tell you that what frightens us can also make us stronger if we find the courage to jump in, if we can overcome the fear of other people's judgement. As I wrote in the post Worrying too much, always being tense or under stress about everything wears us down inside, makes us sick and even more isolated from society. That's why I say it's a vicious circle: not facing our fears only leads us to make things worse and lose our self-esteem. And when you lose your self-esteem you inflict punishments on yourself that you don't deserve, you face failures that you don't expect, you alienate yourself from people who love you because you don't believe you deserve anything.
So what are you waiting for? Get going, shake your emotions, Write them on post-it notes and stick them on your monitor, in the car, on the bathroom mirror. Make sure you don't forget them. Only then, each new day, will you be on the right track. Don't delude yourself that you will arrive soon (or ever), but keep in mind that, even if we'll pass away one day or another, this LIFE is an infinite game, so equip yourself so that it lasts as long as possible and that it is worth it.
